Sisterhood
by Jobrill
Summary: "If I could take it back, I would." - A couple of stubborn marines who've seen too much try to mend their bridges. Fem!Shep/Ashley friendship, post-ME2.


When Shepard stepped into David Anderson's office to announce her departure from Cerberus and the defeat of the collectors, the last person she expected to see there was Ashley Williams.

Uncharacteristically, Ashley excused herself and slipped out, brushing past Shepard with eyes downcast, before Shepard could even begin to try to recall the righteous rant she'd been building up for months.

* * *

After the meeting, Shepard found herself holed up in an executive suite in the most prestigious hotel in the Presidium, courtesy of the Alliance. The fancy, plush surroundings of the room somehow threw her off balance, so she found herself on the balcony, staring out at the nebula. Garrus had gone off to meet with his sister, who'd come to the Citadel specifically to see him again, and she felt an uncomfortable twinge at the idea of intruding on that, so she found herself drinking alone.

As she stared meditatively at the half-empty tumbler of whiskey (on the rocks) in her hand, she heard the buzz of the door chime. She set the whiskey down on the balcony rail and walked across the plush carpeting to unlock the door.

Shepard found herself at a loss for the second time that day, and again because of the same person. Ashley Williams stood at her door.

"Shepard," Ash started, "I need to apologize. I-"

The words seemed to catch in Ashley's throat, but she was a marine, and a Williams, so she didn't back down. The two women stared at each other across the threshold for what seemed like an eternity.

Shepard was a marine too. She tried to remember everything she planned to yell at Ashley. The feelings of Betrayal. The importance of what she was doing. Why the fuck she thought a survivor of fucking Akuze would be working with Cerberus if it wasn't important. Shamefully enough, even wondering if she'd made the wrong choice on Virmire.

But at that moment, just staring at Ashley and at the tormented look in her eyes, she couldn't remember any of it.

"Damn it," Shepard grumbled, "Just come in, Williams. You look like a lost puppy."

She turned around and stalked back toward the balcony, and didn't look back to see if Ashley had followed her.

"There's beer in the fridge or whiskey on the coffee table if you want it," She said as she grabbed her own glass from the balcony and came back inside. Ashley had already seated herself on one end of the couch, but she'd made no move to pour herself a drink. Instead, she looked pensively at Shepard as she leaned forward, elbows on her knees, hands fidgeting. Shepard sat on the opposite end of the couch and took a sip of her whiskey, then set it down on the table.

"So," Shepard broke the silence, "I guess Anderson told you I left Cerberus."

"Shepard... I..." Ashley said, talking slowly, painfully. As the words began to flow, she started to speed a bit, trying to soldier through the agony, squeeze out every last painful gasp, "I was wrong, on Horizon. I meant every word back then, God help me, but. I was being stupid. If I could take it back, I would. Every word."

"Anderson told me everything," Ashley said, "About the Collectors and Cerberus and... where you were for 2 years. I should have known, Shepard. I should have known you had your reasons. I trusted you with Ilos, right? But I couldn't trust you then, and I still don't know why. I think I was just I was so MAD at you for going where I couldn't follow. You were my Commander, Shepard, and I couldn't stand the thought that you were making sacrifices I couldn't - or that I wouldn't. I couldn't stand that you might leave me behind, no matter where you were going. I couldn't leave the alliance, but I couldn't stand not being with you. I should have dealt with that on my own, but I took it out on you instead. And I'm so fucking sorry."

Ashley's voice broke slightly, and she coughed to clear her throat. Shepard felt her own throat filling with something. Embarrassment? Anger? Discomfort? Sadness? She couldn't tell. She tried to wash it down with another slug of whiskey.

"Shepard," Ashley said again, her voice stronger, "I know I've lost the privilege of serving under you again. Maybe even of being your friend. I can accept that. But I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry. I just wanted to ask you to forgive me."

"Ash," Shepard said, after looking at her for another long, silent moment and swallowing yet another mouthful of liquid courage, "I'm going to tell you a story. You know I'm not good at this emotional BS, but this is important, so I want you to pay attention."

"I was an only child growing up. It wasn't for lack of trying, though. My parents always wanted at least one or two more, but... my Mom's body would never cooperate. It wasn't like I didn't have friends. Most of the colonist familys on Mindoir had at least 3 or 4 kids. But it wasn't the same. I wanted a little sister, someone I could guide and teach and always be close to, no matter what. But it never worked out, except once.

"My mom was pregnant. It wasn't a sure bet, but she was already a few months along, and the doctor had her on a drug and gene therapy regimen that looked like it was working. She said there was a really good chance this one would be born alive. We were all so happy. Mom and Dad would have someone new to look after now that I was growing up and getting independent, and I would finally have the baby sister I always wanted. It was what we'd been praying for all these years. Then the Batarians came and it didn't matter."

"So that's my sob story. I packed that all up and moved on when I decided to join the Alliance. But then I met you. I was jealous, Ash. I was so damn jealous of you it made me angry sometimes," Shepard said. She paused as an involuntary shudder passed through her body; she took another drink to steady herself. Ashley took the pause as an opportunity to start stammering something, but Shepard cut her off, gesturing pointedly with her glass.

"I told you to listen, Williams. I'm not done yet. But yeah. I was jealous of you. Whenever I came down to the lower decks and caught you on a call with your sisters, whenever you told me a story about them... Well, it was nice. They sounded like a great family, and I enjoyed talking with you, but there was always that feeling. I was angry at you for having the life I should have had. Sometimes it was just so bad I had to cut you off and go upstairs before I lost my cool. And it wasn't fair to you at all. You were my friend, maybe my closest one on the Normandy by the end of it, and I was mad at you for reasons you couldn't control. I felt horrible for it, but I could never quite let it go."

"So," Shepard said with a deep breath, as her turn came to force out an agonizing admission of guilt, "If you can forgive me for that stupid, petty bullshit, I guess I can forgive you for what you pulled at Horizon."

Ash looked over at her commanding officer, and a light of understanding passed over her face.

"Damn, Shepard, I never-" Ashley said. She moved her hand slowly, tentatively toward Shepard, then pulled it back a bit, biting her lower lip. Finally, though, it reached out and settle on Shepard's shoulder, there on the other end of the couch where she stared morosely into her empty whiskey glass.

"I never knew, Shepard. I forgive you. Of course I forgive you."

The two women glanced at each other again, and both opened their mouths, one first, then another, then the other as both tried to speak but refused to be the first, when Shepard's Omnitool beeped, dispelling the gravity (_Thank God_, she thought wryly). She stared down at it. Garrus. After reading the contents of the message, she fired back a quick reply.

"That was Garrus," she said to Ashley conversationally, "He wanted to let me know he's staying overnight with his sister and her family."

Ashley raised an eyebrow, "Wow. Does he still report in to you for everything?"

"That wasn't because I'm his CO," Shepard shot back.

"Oh!" Ashley's eyes and mouth grew perfectly round for a moment, "You mean... Wow. I never realized... Damn, Shepard, when you told me I didn't need to kiss any Turians, I didn't think you were just saving them all for yourself."

"Laugh it up, Williams," Shepard said, a grin coming to her face in spite of herself, "Besides, you had your chance. How long were your duty stations 10 feet apart?"

Ashley raised her hands in surrender, but chuckled as she spoke, "alright, alright, you got me. I just gotta ask though. How does it work? I mean, How is he...?"

"I'm not drunk enough to answer that, Ash," Shepard replied with another impish grin, "not yet anyway."

Now Ashley let out a real, genuine, warm laugh. After that though, she grew immediately quiet, and when she looked at Shepard again, she spoke soberly, her face and voice warm but unusually timid, "Hey, Shepard. When this whole saving the galaxy thing is over, maybe you and Garrus could come down to Amaterasu for a few days. My sisters would love to meet you."

"Yeah," Shepard replied, hoping her voice didn't sound as quivery and way too damned emotional for a guddamn alliance marine as she felt, "I'd like that."

* * *

It wasn't perfect, and maybe they weren't quite friends again yet, but it was a start. The women stayed up long past 0000 hours, catching up on new stories and remembering old stories. Finally, with most of the beer and a good portion of the whiskey drained, and Ashley spread out snoring on the couch, Shepard rose blearily to her feet and stumbled toward the bedroom. She crawled into the amazingly soft, luxurious, far-too-large-for-one-person bed - _damn it, Garrus, you don't know what you're missing, _she couldn't help but think- and fell asleep in minutes, feeling better about life than she had in a long, long time.


End file.
